Thursday, March 10, 2011

Rawr! Dinosaurs...Dangerous or Delightful?

Rawr!  So, might I say that I love dinosaurs.  I mean, who can't love this:

Aww...Aren't they just adorable?  Just look at them.  So the thing about dinosaurs is that while they may be cute, they do in fact have another side.  A side that I have until recently been oblivious of.  A less cute side.  This side:

Aww...Aahhh!  Yes my dear friends.  Not all dinosaurs are cute and cuddly.  Imagine getting out of the shower, getting dressed, then looking our your window to find that.  Not the best way to start a day, since being eaten alive isn't one of my favorite activities.  I honestly find that to be quite and awkward experience.  Which has led me to think about how safe the parameters of certain homes are.

Anyway, that's not the point I'm trying to make.  I would like to address the topic of "Dinosaurs, Dangerous or Delightful?"  Now there are many points to be addressed concerning this matter, and I know I can only address a few, but I hope to just get you all thinking about this pressing matter.


This is the part of dinosaur culture that we have closest to us (since Jurassic Park is in South America).  Thanksgiving point actually hold the largest collection of on display dinosaurs in the world.  So me address this matter.

A far as dinosaur bones go, this is pretty cute.  I mean, if I gave birth to that, I might consider raising it as my own.  Now some of y'all might say, "Jozi, what the bones are you talking about?"  I just need you all to open your minds and accept that some fossils are cute.  Brace yourself, the next is far less cute.

Yeah.  Yeah.  Spooky right?  If I were not riding this, I would not want to be within a mile of this monstrosity.  If you have seen Night at the Museum, you may argue that it's cute.  But, you're wrong.  Call this cute when it is consuming your appendages.

Dinosaurs in general:

This is the more distant relation that we have to dinosaurs.  The one that we have seen from "The Land Before Time" and the one we have seen from "Jurassic Park."  Here I present dinosaurs as they are.  Decide for yourself.

Dinosaurs are known to be loving brothers and sisters.  From birth dinosaurs are known to stick up for their siblings, and bail each other out when they get incarcerated.  Dinosaur sibling are also know to make each other breakfast in bed.

Dinosaurs have razor sharp teeth.  To eat your flesh.  They also wear oddly colored contact lenses, to better read the deepest and darkest secrets of your soul and call you unto repentance.  Might I vouch that this is in fact...not fun.  Confessing a life of misdeeds before getting devoured by a utahraptor, can be a little distressing.

This garden variety archaeopteryx makes a great companion.  They're cute, and enjoy sitting on your shoulder.  They love children.  You will find your children/sibling constantly occupied with your pet archaeopteryx as it pursues them throughout the home attempting to take a nibble at their tender meat.

Big.  Very big.  Ever wonder why water sometimes begins to ripple for no reason? This my friends is why.  Tons upon tons of pure killing machine.  Let me finish on one last point.


Fictional?  Perhaps.  Fantastic?  Precisely.  Yet, as cousins of dinosaurs, the same problem exists.  Cute?  Or a killing machine?

Charizard is adorable.  There is no way that such a cute thing could do you harm.  Yet.....

When dragons become evil power-hungry wizards, it poses some problems.

I thank you all for listening, and fighting the ignorance that exists concerning the cuteness of dinosaurs.  This ignorance still exists, but it can be destroyed.  Long live the revolution.  Props to XKCD.  I'm out, before some friends of mine start serious reconsidering this whole dinosaur issue.



  1. Why are your posts so great? Better question, why don't you post more often?
    Comment: This is excellent. End.

  2. I think I would raise a dinosaur if I gave birth to it too. It might be a little awkward though.. Charizard and Nicol Bolas for life.

  3. I wanna balrog. Gandolf, can we keep it?